


Make it Work

by Ninjabunny99



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Partying, Sexuality Crisis, Trans Character, david is too perfect someone end me, implied future relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-18 17:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18254471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninjabunny99/pseuds/Ninjabunny99
Summary: The music was loud and Matteo was high. My take on how I want the party scene on Friday to go.





	Make it Work

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically my best case scenario version of Matteo coming out. It won't happen but it's what I want.

The music was loud and Matteo was high.

He had hoped the weed would calm him down and make the night easier, but now it just felt like his heart was beating funny against the beat of the music. He knew he should be happy, exams were over and they were done with school, but all he felt was a dull disinterest mixed with a mild sense of dread. What if he failed his exams? What was he supposed to do now without school? He looked at all of his classmates celebrating around him and tried again to relax and enjoy the party.

Suddenly Sara appeared, all smiles and energy, and bounced down onto the couch next to him.

“Hey!” She said, kissing his cheek before settling down against him, “What are you doing just sitting here? You should be up having fun!”

“I’m kind of high right now?” He said, hoping that would explain his lethargy and convince her to leave him be.

She just smiled brightly at him and laughed like he’d just made a clever joke. No such luck. “So? You’re having a party in your apartment! You should at least be dancing!”

He felt his eyes roll towards the back of his head as she spoke, but then she was up and tugging on his arm to drag him towards the dancing throng of people. He relented and stood up, smiling a bit at her. Matteo couldn’t deny she was cute, and her enthusiasm was infectious.

His body still felt awkward and unwieldy, but he let her pull him into the crowd and put her arms over his shoulders, settled his hands on her waist where he knew they were supposed to be. There were times when she really did almost make this seem easy, seem doable. He listened to the music and tried to follow the beat, swaying the way Sara swayed.

He had no idea how long they had been like that, moving to the music and moving with each other, when she surged forward and kissed him.

Kissing Sara was always interesting. The act itself wasn’t inherently unpleasant, and if he tried he could sink into it and enjoy himself well enough. Lately, however, he’d had to distance the act of kissing from the person he was kissing more and more, and it was starting to get hard to do. He wasn’t sure what he would do once he couldn’t do that anymore.

He focused on the music and focused on kissing Sara back and wondered idly what his friends were up to right now. Jonas was probably hooking up with his new girl and Carlos was almost definitely with Kiki right now. He thought he had seen David come in earlier as well? He felt his brain stutter at that thought and immediately stopped himself from following it to its conclusion. Just focus on Sara. Focus on the music.

His head still felt out of it and he didn’t recognize the song that was playing, but it sounded familiar so maybe he did and it was just too loud to place right now. Sara was still kissing him and her body was up against his and his hands were on her waist and the music was pounding, pounding, pounding in his head and for all the heaviness of his limbs and physical contact points to ground him he felt like he was floating, drifting away from his body and the crowded room. He could see David across the room talking to someone else and that was bad, that was bad, don’t think of David think of Sara, Sara’s the one you’re kissing now. He tried to pull himself back into his body and only focus on the girl in front of him, Sara, Sara was nice, right? Sara was sweet. He could make it work with Sara, right? And he still kind of felt like he was floating but it worked a little, only thinking about Sara, and for a second Matteo thought maybe he was going to be ok. Maybe he could actually do this. Then he felt his eyes drift back up and find David again as if drawn by a magnet, but it was different this time. David was alone now. He was leaning against the wall, staring at Matteo with an expression he had never seen on the other boy’s face before, an open, hungry, raw stare, and David didn’t flinch away as their eyes met. Their eyes met and Matteo was still kissing Sara but now he was staring back at David and he couldn’t look away and this was bad, this was bad, because now all he wanted was David to be in front of him instead of Sara, to feel David’s body up against his and David’s mouth kissing him back instead of Sara’s and the music had changed songs now but it was still pounding, pounding and it seemed so loud, so much louder than it had been before and the tension was climbing between them because David was still staring at him and maybe it wasn’t between them at all, maybe it was just inside Matteo that the tension was mounting, mounting, and he felt Sara make some small shift against him and he felt something inside him just-

_Break_

Before he knew what he was doing he had wrenched himself away from Sara and was heading blindly towards his room, he couldn’t do this there was no way he could do this he could never do this. He didn’t know if Sara was following him or not but he didn’t care he just had to get away from that room and all those people and David’s _goddamn eyes_.

He pulled open his door and _thank god_ it was empty and were his hands shaking? He was pretty sure his hands were shaking. He sat down on his bed and tried to breathe. He thought briefly about digging around for a joint but no, more weed in his system was not what he needed right now.

A wave of noise passed over him as his door opened, and he looked up to see Sara standing in his doorway, looking so confused, that same lost puppy expression she got every time Matteo hurt her.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, and he was shocked at how distressed his own voice sounded in his ears. “I’m sorry, I can’t, I can’t do it, I’m sorry.”

She entered the room and shut the door behind her. “You can’t do... what exactly?” She asked tentatively, regarding him with eyebrows drawn. “Is it about having sex? If you don’t want to have sex that’s fine, we don’t have to-“

“No, it’s not that!” He said quickly, scrambling to get ahold of _something_ about this situation. “Or, well, it is that, but it’s not just that.” He looked at her again, nice Sara, sweet Sara, Sara who had forgiven him time and time again when he definitely didn’t deserve it. She was staring at him, hurt creeping into her eyes and Matteo wasn’t willing to let that happen again, at least not for whatever reason she was currently conjuring in her head.

He sighed and dropped his eyes away from hers. He wanted to reach for her hand but he wasn’t sure he could stand the physical contact right now. For a moment he hovered on the edge, say it or don’t say it, but then he remembered how it felt locking eyes with David only minutes before, and the words bubbled up from inside of him before he could stop them: “I think I’m gay.”

He kept his eyes on the ground, unable to look at her. He thought he heard Sara let out a little gasped “what?” and felt her sink onto the bed next to him.

The movement jostled him out of whatever locked state he’d been stuck in, and he looked up at her, seeing a new sort of hurt written across her face.

“Since when are you gay?” She asked, sounding like the words were being punched out of her. “Is this just your way of breaking up with me? Is that what’s going on here? If you don’t remember, I gave you an out! I told you earlier _this week_ to break up with me if you weren’t into me! Not even a week ago! Matteo, this is—“

“I know!” He said, cutting her off. “I know you said that, and I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. But this isn’t just me trying to break up with you. I swear. I just-” He sighed, running his fingers through his bangs as he searched for the right words. “I’ve been trying. To make it work. If there was anyone in the world I could make it work with, it would have been you. But I can’t. I can’t do this any more. I almost had myself convinced, every time we hung out or I saw you at school, that I could do it. But I’m so tired of lying to you, and lying to myself, because it’s _not_ working and I finally realized it’s never going to work and I’m sorry, Sara. I really am.”

He forced himself to look at her and not look away, trying to impress on her that he was telling the truth, and Sara just sat there, staring back at him.

”I’m sorry,” he said again, quietly, silently begging her to believe him.

After a long, heart pounding minute, Sara sighed. “You really mean it don’t you?” Matteo nodded slightly, no longer trusting himself to speak. She passed a hand over her eyes. “Ok. I’m going to go now. If I stay any longer I’m going to cry at you, and I don’t think that will do either of us any good right now.” She stood up and caught his eye with a meaningful stare. “We have to talk again later though. I mean it. We are going to talk about this.”

Matteo nodded. He figured he owed her that much. Seemingly satisfied, she turned to leave.

“Wait!” Matteo suddenly jerked forward, panic blooming in his chest. “Don’t- don’t tell anyone else, ok? Please? I, I can’t-“

She shook her head, stopping him. “I won’t, Matteo,” she said, “don’t worry. Even I know that would be a shitty thing to do.”

Matteo visibly relaxed, and Sara nodded once more, finally opening the door and heading out.

 

———

 

Matteo could hear the party winding down outside, and he still hadn’t moved from his spot on the bed. He was laying on his back now, staring at the ceiling, carefully trying to keep his mind as blank as possible to avoid thinking about all the ways he could have just fucked up.

A soft knock on his door drew him out of his reverie, and he groaned internally as he sat up. Who were they and what did they want? He stared at his door, hoping that whoever it was would give up and go away. A second set of knocks came, slightly louder than the first, and Matteo hauled himself up off his bed and towards the door.

“Hans, if you want me to help clean up I’ll be out in a minute just-“ He pulled the door open and stopped, as he was greeted not by his flatmate but by David, looking unsure and a little concerned. “Oh. Hey.”

“Hey.”

They stood there for a moment, before Matteo snapped to his senses and stepped back, beckoning David into his room so he could shut the door. “What’s up?”

David still looked a bit uncomfortable, maybe because he was finally in Matteo’s room after the intense stare down they had had earlier. “I just wanted to make sure you were ok? You basically bolted in here earlier and I saw Sara and Leonie leave not long after that.”

“Oh they left? Damn. I don’t know why but I was hoping she’d still have fun at the party.” Matteo sighed and flopped back down on his bed.

“Oh.” David started, still looking unsure and weirdly uncomfortable. What was going on with him? “Are you guys ok?”

Matteo huffed out a laugh he didn’t feel. “No. No we are not. I just did something big and not take back-able and I’m trying really hard not to regret it or freak out right now.”

“What... what did you do?”

“I just came out to her.”

“You what?”

“Came out. I told her I was gay”

Out of the corner of his eye, Matteo could see David freeze as the information he had just received hit him. Then, a muttered “Shit. Really?” as he sank onto the bed, looking down at Matteo who was still staring at the ceiling. “How’d that go?”

“Better than I expected actually. She thought I was just trying to break up with her, then she got it and said we would talk later and left.”

“Damn.” David paused and just stared at Matteo for a moment, before asking, “Are you ok?”

Matteo glanced at David, and felt the corner of his mouth quirk up in a humorless smile. “Ask me tomorrow,” he said, “right now I don’t know what I feel. I’d barely even admitted it to myself before I was saying it out loud to Sara.”

David sighed and finally seemed to relax, collapsing back on the bed, head next to Matteo’s. After a moment he said quietly, “You won’t know how you feel tomorrow either.”

“What?” Matteo turned to look at him, eyebrows drawn.

“You won’t know how you feel about all of this for a while. That’s how it works. It sucks.” He met Matteo’s questioning gaze. “I’ve been through all this, I’m pan.”

“You are?” Matteo popped up on his elbows, trying to get a better look at David. “Really?”

“Yep.”

“Wow.” He let himself fall back down onto the bed.

They laid there for a minute, then David took a breath as if he was about to say something but thought better of it.

Matteo turned his head to look at him. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“No come on, what is it?”

David held his gaze. “I’m also trans.”

Matteo blinked. “Transgender?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, ok. Cool.”

"Yeah.”

“Thanks for telling me.”

They continued to lie like that in the calm of Matteo’s room, listening to the sounds of the last people leaving the party. Matteo let out a sigh and felt himself deflate into the mattress. Maybe he could do this part. Maybe he could be ok.

**Author's Note:**

> I know they didn't get together but reciprocal coming out stories are like therapy to me and honestly, this is David and Matteo. Give them like two days both knowing the other is single and likes dudes and they'll be so in love it'll be ridiculous.


End file.
